Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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