Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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