I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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