Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
