The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
