Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
