maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
