hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.