hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.