Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
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You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.