she looked like the before picture.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss