I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
