she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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