Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
