Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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