So gin and wine won't be happening again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
