Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
