I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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