I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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