You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
