Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize