hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
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don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.