so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??