She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.