I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.