Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.