Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases