filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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