Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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