worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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