I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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