I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
