We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
