so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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