Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
