Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
