I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
