We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
