Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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