...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
