I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
