guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
