so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
