It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
