He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize