Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
