i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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