I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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