Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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