Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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