Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
