operation have a gay friend backfired
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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