I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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