She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
