Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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