so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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