I just made out with a guy for $7.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
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Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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