i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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