You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Everclear isn't food dammit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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