last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
