you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So vagazzling was a success
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
