After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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