Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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