its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
