Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I told you penises don't tan
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.