my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly