I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
