Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
