I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
