Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
