Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this boner is exhausting
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
sarcasm needs its own font
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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