cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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