Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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