Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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