Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
