I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
