Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
