I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
