Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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