I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
