why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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